"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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