Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
