rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
