You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize