who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
