i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
