i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
