I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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