On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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