His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
