I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
