dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
