my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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