Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
