Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
