you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
