My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
