you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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