I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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