This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
