i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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