Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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