the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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