The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
