Its about making memories worth repressing
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
