Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
