We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
