New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
