my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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