don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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