Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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