Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
