I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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