i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
