I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
