so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
