we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
