is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
