What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize