why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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