My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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