ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
