i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
