my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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