is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
