I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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