when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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