$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize