Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
