I love black thongs
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
