I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
