He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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