Your dad touched me again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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