So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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