I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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