i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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