Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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