I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
