Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
