New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
