Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
This show inspires me to have sex in space
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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