just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize