Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
