you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
