She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
