My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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