he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
