I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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