dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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